So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I FOUND THE LEGS
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
