we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sarcasm needs its own font
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
