I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
