we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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