so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
