I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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