one two three fourrrrnication!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
