If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
