i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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