drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
