I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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