My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's blow job season.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
