Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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