Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
