she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
