i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
