Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
