I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
