I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
