the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
