Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
