Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
