she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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