I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we're making bets on your personal life
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
