The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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