i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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