um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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