u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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