I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
