I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
