I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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