I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
