He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize