I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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