I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
