I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
