I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize