We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
