And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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