Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
