Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
