You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize