sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
