I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize