just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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