I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
