I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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