Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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