dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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