I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
