wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
