how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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