If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize