I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize