Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
