thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
