Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize