I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
